The Multiple Shower-Bath-Jacuzzi-Radio-Light Show-Elevator-Rocketship-Ablution Robot
This was the view from my 5th floor room in the Royal Hotel and Spa, Pristina, Kosovo where I was training some business people last week for my day job. I was there from Monday evening to Friday morning, and I think I counted about four other guests the whole week. Everything in Kosovo works, kind of. There is air conditioning in the rooms but the electrics are only switched on when guests pop their key card into the activation slot by the door. So, being about 30 degrees outside it felt very much warmer in an enclosed room, and it took about fifteen minutes for my English room temperature to be achieved. But even when temperature was more comfortable in the main part of the room, it remained tropical in the bathroom where the air conditioning had not been allowed to go. However, there was a shower, and this was no ordinary shower…
…I think it might have been a multiple shower-bath-jacuzzi-radio-light show-elevator-rocketship-ablution robot. Made in China, it had a 12” diameter overhead showerhead, four much smaller 3” heads on either side, and two hand held units, which seemed to indicate it might have been intended as a communal machine. Right in my line of sight as I peered through the sliding doors was a control panel that NASA would have been proud of, but the icons were faded on every button, one of which was a red button. This turned out not to be ‘emergency stop’ or ‘eject’ or ‘start rocket motors’ because when I pressed it the only thing that happened was that it faded in what I assumed was Albanian folk music from a local radio station. Given there were no instructions anywhere on how to operate this beast, it really was going to take a labour of love and a large amount of trial and error just to freshen up.
Having just arrived in the oppressive heat of the hotel room, I was determined to take a shower, then maybe go to the restaurant for a light meal before bed, knowing that the next day was going to be a bit full-on. And as the main part of the room reached that comfortable English temperature, I remained absorbed in this tropical bathroom trying to find a way to get clean. After about twenty minutes of trying every button multiple times, sometimes in combination, I realized that this state of the art highly sophisticated cleaning machine actually didn’t work, and resorted from then on to using an oversized sink that was uncomfortably close to a tiny toilet with a cheap plastic seat. Given that I had earlier phoned Reception to ask ‘Excuse me, can I have some tea bags for my room?’ (which given there was a kettle seemed a not unreasonable request) to receive the answer ‘NO’, I didn’t bother to kick up a fuss. At least all the other people were incredibly nice and great fun to be with!